It's A Small World

In a world in which quality products keep coming in smaller and smaller packages. Where software engineers can fit a full set of encyclopedias on the sharp end of a pin. Where the adventurous can fly clear around a smaller and smaller planet on a single tank of gas without refueling. From the same farm that brought my household the scourge known as the Kittyoit, I give you...the Dwarf Mini-Horse! This isn't just a mini-horse. It's a dwarf mini-horse. Small hasn't been so amazing since Spudd Webb won the NBA slam dunk contest!

I don't know how to use Photoshop to manipulate images, so I swear these are authentic. Notice how this full-grown horse is smaller than a medium-sized dog!

Having once been the presence of one of these fine beasts (though only of the less impressive mere "mini" size), I can attest that these horses act more like dogs than horses. They would rather sleep on the couch, suck up to humans for a good scratching, or smell each others behinds, than run around in a mini Kentucky Derby ridden by a tiny jockey or buck dwarf cowboys off their backs.

Consequently, even after first seeing a regular sized mini-horse, I was already dreaming about walking it around my Chicago neighborhood on a leash. Oh, what the neighbors would say!

Then, uncontrollably, even better thoughts came to me...

Like maybe get a monkey and dress him up in chaps, a vest, and a ten-gallon hat to ride the horse. The shiny Sheriff's badge he'd be wearing would definitely impress the ladies. I'd be a little worried, however, that the plastic silver cap guns Sheriff Bubbles would be popping in each claw might scare a couple off.

Or what about a stagecoach drawn by mini-horses straining to draw my new wife and I away from the church after our wedding, guided by a chimpanzee in a long-tailed (pardon the pun) monkey suit cracking a whip, all the while doffing his top hat? The possibilities were endless!

My wife, a farm girl, even momentarily fell under the spell of the mini-horse when we first saw it. Perhaps her thoughts didn't reach the ridiculous heights mine did, but none-the-less, she was enthralled.


Now we have irrefutable photo proof that there are dwarf mini-horses. If you've ever seen a mini-horse up close, you might ask yourself the same question my wife asked, "Who was the person who thought, 'I don't think this mini-horse is quite small enough. Let's create a dwarf mini-horse!" OK, I may have had that thought, but what rational person would have?

My wife pointed out that although these horses are very pet-like, they aren't exactly apartment or house friendly. I mean, no litter box could contain them, and we'd probably have to put down a lot of hay on the floors. But as the good people who brought us the mini-horse keep bringing us smaller wonders, the threat of big messes consequently diminishes as well.

We now have a dwarf mini-horse. The next model might be a micro-horse. We'd be one day closer to that wonderful moment when my wife finally allows me to get one and bring it into our home.

But somehow I get the feeling that day won't come until they invent a nano-horse.