"Only Two Beers"

A timely reminder for New Year's. In the context of New Year's traffic stops, the Washington Post writes about the "I only had two beers" phenomenon:

The "two beers" line has been uttered so often that it's a joke among police officers. In 20 years of patrolling highways, Virginia State Police Trooper L.L. Parker has heard that slurred lie more times than she can remember.

"I don't know of any officer out here who, if you tell them you only had two beers, they'll tell you, "Okay, then, have a nice night,' " Parker said, chuckling. "But drunks, for whatever reason, they say it all the time."

I link to this story because my doctor friend, Doctor Mike, cites this same "two beers" excuse as the player behind some of the most horrific cases that come through the hospital doors.

How did this axe end up in your leg? I was cutting wood, when, after two beers, I swear...

How did you cut your hand off with a circular saw? Well, I had two beers, and then...

How did you get impaled by this iron bar? It all started after I had two beers...

Two beers. Never more, never less. Always two beers. Conclusion: Two beers = bad news.

I suggest to you this for the New Year. If you are going to drink beer and operate machinery, have no more than one. If you are going to drink more than two beers, do not pass go, do not collect $200. Stay home, walk home, or have someone drive you. Do not handle sharp objects or power tools.

And never, EVER, stop at just two beers.